If you’ve done any research into marriage therapy or even into techniques that might strengthen your marriage, you’ve probably heard of the Gottman Method more than once. But, many people gloss over it as just another “quick fix” option that probably doesn’t work.
Unfortunately, people who do that are missing out on exactly how the Gottman method works and why it’s so successful in restoring marriages.
As a Gottman relationship therapist, I’m happy to share some of the details of what you can expect from the Gottman approach, why this tried and true method works so well for so many couples, and how it can help your marriage.
What to Expect
Simply put? The Gottman Method isn’t a “quick fix”. It isn’t designed to be a cure-all for marriages or relationships.
The method is designed to replace negative patterns with positive ones and to repair past hurts while doing so—which takes time. But when you start changing these patterns, a deeper emotional connection can happen. And you and your partner can work on making active changes within your relationship.
Like any successful program, you should expect to put in the work. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up. And be willing to make changes and accept changes. Going into these sessions with the right mindset can make all the difference.
We’ll begin our work with an assessment process. You and your spouse will speak with me together, then separately. You’ll complete questionnaires and receive feedback before we dive into the framework of what your sessions will look like. This framework is a bit different for everyone, depending on what I was able to learn from your interviews and questionnaires. You may need more frequent sessions than other couples, or perhaps you’ll need fewer.
What Are the Goals of the Gottman Method?
Dr. Gottman developed something called the Sound Relationship House Theory, which centers on nine different components of healthy relationships.
These components include:
- Build love maps
- Share fondness and admiration
- Turn towards your partner
- Have a positive approach
- Conflict management
- Create an atmosphere that encourages dreams
- Create shared meaning
- Trust
- Commitment
As we work through these components, the underlying goals will include removing barriers within your relationship so you can practice stronger, more intimate communication. We will also work on increasing respect, empathy, and affection for one another.
You’ve probably heard before that communication is an important key to any relationship. And the Gottman Method helps to strengthen your communication in a variety of ways to help you to feel closer to your partner.
Is the Gottman Method Right for You?
Most people seek out the Gottman Method when they feel as though their marital problems are perpetual or when they’re stuck in a cycle that they can’t get out of. Some of the issues Gottman’s approach can help with include frequent arguments and ineffective communication. It can also help couples who are on the verge of separation and can’t seem to find a way to work things out.
There is no “ideal” couple for the Gottman Method. It works for people of different orientations, races, ages, and backgrounds. And its success speaks for itself.
As noted before, having the right mindset before starting the Gottman Method can make a huge difference. So, if you have any questions or concerns before you commit, don’t hesitate to ask or discuss them.
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If you’re interested in learning more about the Gottman Method and how it can help your marriage, please contact me. Together, we can work on helping you build a stronger relationship and develop new coping skills to deal with conflicts and problems in the future.
